Leaving for South Africa-April 1893

I am deeply sorry for not writing in this diary frequently- so much has happened that it is getting out of control. True, I have become a certified barrister, and am ready to take part in cases but somehow I cannot bring myself to assert my perceptions cohesively. Often my legs shake- I simply cannot bring myself to declare my stand firmly. After I realized my shyness was bringing others to doubt me, I "chickened out" and left the court in Bombay. I didn't know what to do and was lost... Was what I was pursuing really worth it?

Then came a telegram from South Africa- there was a case for me from Dada Abdulla and Co. There were travel fees included and a total of 105 pounds would be paid. I decided I basically had no future in India so might as well give the opportunity a shot. I then took leave for South Africa immediately. I pray for success in this foreign nation. Counter-intituitively I also hope for some kind of challenge; I wish to see a new part of the world and overcome obstacles to claim my pride. Till next entry... I bid farewell.